Ladies, It May Be Time To Have An Affair (Warning: Contains Adult Language)

Ladies, I know you have been hearing for years that some new guy will do for you what your man won’t do.  They say it to you week after week at the office or at the gym or at happy hour.  And it is a very safe bet that it is nothing more than a bullsh*t line designed to secure momentary access to your assets by exploiting a lapse in your brain functions.  But as a man, I have to confess to you that there is one time when it is undeniably true.  There is one guy you probably should take some time to go and see every day in private  to get from him what your man really can’t give you.  And you can be absolutely certain that he will give it to you hard and fast every time and send you on your way like nobody else.  And the more you see him, the better it will get and I promise you that you will soon be addicted.  “He” is your scale and what he will be giving you is the TRUTH.  And it will change your life, baby.  Forget what Jack Nicholson said in that movie: You CAN handle the truth and when you do the payoff will be gigantic.

Why?  Because if this woman pictured below asks her man how she looks, he will answer by trying to drag her to the bed right then and there when clearly she is trying to get dressed to go out.  To him, she looks REAL good and he is NOT complaining.  But that scale is gonna tell her in 3 seconds if she isn’t just GOOD but at her BEST.  Big difference.  It is for her to decide what her best is, but when she does, the scale will tell her because he will know in a way her man really won’t.  Most rational men judge their woman on a combination of look and feel so ladies if you feel real good to your man, his ability to “see” you constructively and objectively is going to be a little off.  We don’t mean any harm, it is just our animal kinship rearing it’s beastly head.

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The scale is, far and away, the most important piece of fitness equipment you will ever own.  The reason is that the scale works exclusively to strengthen the most important muscle that you have- your brain.  You don’t necessarily have to find an exercise regiment that you just love to do to get into the dress or the jeans you are dying to see yourself in.  And you deffnitely don’t need to stop eating.  All you have to do is buy a scale and commit to climbing your ass on top of him every single day and reading the results to yourself.  That will do it.  Once you start seeing the number you HATE every day, you will find your way to whatever methodologies or combinations that will move that number.  One of those methods will make you sweat and that is where the magic happens.

It doesn’t matter a whole lot what it is, just as long as you break that rolling sweat.  And when that number starts to move in the right direction, you will like it and you will want more of it. And you will start to love the scale because you realize that it is loving you back- and loving you GOOD.

This piece is about more than getting in physical shape- whatever that might mean for you.  This piece is really about the importance of keeping score in your whole life.  I had a basketball coach in high school who insisted on keeping live score and a live clock even during scrimmages in practice.  We felt like he was running us to death with that pace.  But his response was always the simple statement:

When you start keeping score the score improves.

Coach Jackie Brown (yes that was actually his name) was really on to something because all of these years later I notice that regardless of the game I am playing, I really don’t pick up steam until I start actively measuring my progress- or keeping score- on a daily basis.  There is some kind of magic that gets unleashed inside our heads when we know we are going to have to face ourselves in the mirror every day after we have made a commitment to ourselves to do something.  Our physicality is the best example because we can’t avoid looking at it every day.

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But it could be about saving money, finding a new position, investing in a project, finishing a degree or whatever.  At our core, we really don’t want to lie to ourselves despite all of the years that we spend perfecting the art of self-deception.  However cleverly we sneak up on a mirror, we always wind up looking ourselves straight in the eye so it is truly in our nature to be real with ourselves.

So I urge you to figure out how to start keeping score on what and where you want to be a year from now.  Nobody can give you the details and the nuances of what will work for you in getting from where you are now to where you want to be, but we all understand that you don’t know for sure that you are losing weight unless you get your ass up there on the scale and keep track of it.  That sweat running down your body is your immediate payoff for the work that you are doing.  Trust them more than you trust your eyes because our eyes will lie to us and we’ll let them.  But the scale will NEVER lie to you.  It really does love you and is faithful t the tuth, so it is going to tell you exactly where you are at the very moment you ask it.  So ladies please don’t ask your man if you look fat in those slacks.  He wants you to lay on top of him naked later on tonight so he ain’t saying shit to mess that up.  And if your man is black, he probably likes you a good ten to twenty pounds heavier than you need to be anyway.  I am sorry about that, ladies but like Denzel said in Mo’ Betta Blues, its a dick thing- a d.i.c.k. thing.  Just ask the scale if you look fat because it has no d*ck directing it to lie.

There is a scale out there for you to measure where you are on finishing your degree if that’s your thing. And a rolling sweat is waiting to be broken.  Find them.  Or find the scale to measure how to get your credit score a few notches above “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me, you want to buy WHAT??”  Or find the scale to measure whether you will really be able to retire one day or fall over dead at a part-time job when you are 78 years old- because you are NOT going to hit the Lotto or inherit some unknown aunt’s fortune some day.  I think you get the picture.  Please folks, just find your scale, start measuring and start sweating.  It is a magical transformative process and it can really change your life from the inside out- at least the part that needs changing.  Depending on how deep the hole is that you may be standing in, it may even save your life.  It certainly did save mine.

∞ Thanks for checking in-  Do your thing today and I’ll see you tomorrow  π

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