Ladies, Enough With The Pole

I can respect the fact that women have embraced the full range and scope of their sexuality and sexual expressions over the last decade or so.  In fact, I don’t just respect it, I appreciate and enjoy the new reality.  It has given us a legion of women in their 40’s who look so good that they are routinely killing 25 year olds in public spaces from coast to coast. And as a middle aged man myself I assure you that is not a good thing, its a great thing.  But an article of faith amongst conscientious adults is that too much of ANYTHING can hurt you.  So let’s take a second to consider our national obsession with the stripper pole.  Let me be clear up front:  If you are a woman that has fallen in love with pole dancing classes and it has NOTHING to do with a man, then the rest of this piece may not be germane to you- at least not at this point.  But it may be later on so hang with me for a few minutes anyway.

pole-dancing_1705501i

From sea to shining sea, women have gotten in touch with their inner-Vegas show girl or Magic City shake-dancer and kicked off the national craze and cultural phenomenon of pole dancing.  Not professionally, mind you, but pole dancing as a form of exercise with the added perk of spicing things up at home.  Evidently, girlfriends and wives everywhere have made the calculation that if they can channel the energy and novelty of the strip club in their own bedrooms, then the man in their lives will be captivated and therefore better behaved.  Frankly, I understand the motivation and the calculation and I do not think they are necessarily wrong- just incomplete in working the arithmetic.  So many men have gotten so sexually lazy over the years because of the proliferation of hyper-sexualized imagery available at their fingertips with a point and a click that real life leaves them uninspired.

political panties

Allowing your man’s laziness and inability to see and appreciate what you’ve got right in front of him to turn into a hobby, a work out and yet another shopping trip for you is probably an unwise investment.  Because let’s be real-  if you really look good to your man and he is into you, you would not get three minutes into your pole dancing routine before you will be under siege.  He will most certainly attack you in the moment in a way that will make you feel sure that he has grown three additional sets of hands to paw you with.  So now you have spent a thousand bucks on the class, the clothes and the do-it-yourself in-home stripper pole.  Now what?  Now you have blown his mind (if you are lucky) and he’ll be chomping at the bit for this routine every other night.

Do you really want to be stuck either having to say “no” 26 times to his request for a repeat performance before you finally say “yes” again?  After all, you have now learned that spinning around on that pole in those costumes looks like exciting fun but it really is work and you kind of have to get yourself up for it.  After a day of working and dealing with your kids do you really feel like making your cheeks clap or hanging upside down?

polebaby

Or in the alternative, you can just say “yes” and perform those sexual circus tricks as often as the professional women do but do it under a lot more personal pressure and for a lot less payoff.  When you put it that way, the juice hardly seems to be worth the squeeze.  In reality, should you really be rewarding him with these special treats and extra effort for behavior that made you feel like you needed to emulate a sex-industry worker to capture his imagination and ignite his passion?  The core philosophy of The Progressive Pugilist is that behavior that gets rewarded gets repeated so maybe an approach is in order that will not distort your man’s view of cause and affect.  And also, do we really want to normalize this particular activity?  Is there a chance that this thing could spin out of control and have some unintended consequences?  No judgment here, ladies, do what you truly enjoy as long as you are not hurting anybody.

babystripper

But for your own good, just dig the fact that there is a huge difference between being a sexy woman and being a sex-industry worker.  Every man you have ever met wants to date and marry the former but actually wanting to be in a relationship with the latter is a different story.  This is not a moralistic observation but a practical one as it relates to you and your pole-dancing class.  It would take a ton of hard work for you to work that pole as well as professional dancers do- a ton of work.  And if you are trying it out then chances are very good that your man has seen those ladies work those poles.  Why set yourself up to look like the B-Team cheerleaders to somebody else’s “Bring It On” Varsity girls?

Especially if you have the physical tools to drive him up the wall perfectly well without inviting unhealthy comparisons.  When it comes to turning your man on or reigniting the spark, getting an “A for effort” is really not where you want to be.  This class is strictly pass/fail.  So here is a quick gourmet recipe on how to make sure you pass with flying colors without wasting a thousand dollars, several hours, and precious energy only to open Pandora’s Box inside your bedroom.

Play on your home turf, ladies, and find a way to let your man catch you cooking breakfast or dinner looking anything like this and it’s over-

Game.  Set.  And Match.  You win.  If your man knows that you are fixing his dinner at home looking like this, he will be there when you are ready to serve it.  With all due respect to strip club buffets, they ain’t got nothing on a woman who can give THIS to a man in her kitchen.  Your man won’t be making it rain nowhere outside of his house if he might walk in on this scene.  Traffic problems will get a whole lot less troublesome and late work projects will turn into work-at-home projects.  And dig this:  you played the game the way you can win it without breaking your ass being somebody else.

You won by being you which is the only real win there is anyway.  You have to eat right? And you already cook sometimes right?  So you may as well have some fun with it and knock his eyes right out of his head while you are doing it.

Your new problem might be figuring out how to control and contain his libido rather than how to ignite it- and that is a problem few women in the pole dancing class will complain about.  Then your nightly bath will turn into this a few times a week.

bath

And in the end, isn’t that what you want?  That passion and energy working for you and your man is firing on all cylinders and you are doing what you would have been doing anyway-  and NOBODY will have done it better.  And I hate to break it to you but the same cannot be said about your at-home version of twerking.  As great as you may be at it, if your livelihood doesn’t depend on it, some other woman out there is going to be doing it better.  She has to.  But the good news is, your man won’t give a damn.  He’ll just want his dinner and his bath.  Good luck and Godspeed, ladies.

Thanks 4 checking in-  Do your thing 2day & I’ll see you 2morrow π

 

 

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